


The Internet Is Made of Cats

by shrift



Category: Sleepy Hollow (TV)
Genre: Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-18
Updated: 2014-01-18
Packaged: 2018-01-09 04:39:54
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1141556
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shrift/pseuds/shrift
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Have you been up all night?" Abbie asked.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Internet Is Made of Cats

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sinead](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sinead/gifts).



> Beta by Nestra.

"I'm just saying that the smell is getting out of control," Abbie said, and chucked the reusable bag filled with clothes onto Crane's lap. His old clothes were starting to smell like a New York summer, and the scent of hot garbage was starting to put her off her lunch.

"Hello, Lieutenant. What new sartorial horrors await me?" Crane said and plucked at the bag with his long fingers.

"If I really wanted to horrify you, I'd show you the receipt with how much these clothes cost," Abbie said, nodding at the bag and raising her eyebrows. "Try them on."

Crane made the face a person would make after someone crop dusted an elevator. "I respectfully decline."

Abbie sighed. "Look, Crane. I bought you the skinny jeans because I thought it'd be funny to watch you walk around like a cat wearing mittens, okay? I'm not expecting you to wear them."

"A cat wearing mittens?" Crane said incredulously. "I'll have you know that your modern similes are very strange."

"It's a thing. On the internet. Why don't I just show you," Abbie said and opened her laptop, because some things really were inexplicable.

Crane peered over her shoulder. "What is this You Tube?"

Abbie typed in 'cats wearing mittens' and clicked on a video. She pointed at the cats on the screen looking ridiculous and indignant and said, "That's what you look like in skinny jeans."

"This is truly a marvel." Crane sat next to her and pulled the laptop closer.

"I gotta go," Abbie said. "Promise me you'll at least think about trying on some of those clothes."

"If I promise, may I borrow this a while?" Crane asked of the laptop, looking at Abbie beseechingly.

"Fine. I'd ask you to delete your browser history when you're done so that we can remain friends, but…" she trailed off as she tried to imagine Crane's reaction to porn. He'd probably still look like a cat wearing mittens.

"Delete your history," Crane said. "Is this some form of amnesia? Do you erase yourself from existence? Is such a thing even possible?"

Abbie smiled. "Remind me to show you the History Channel sometime. Later, Crane."

Abbie came back the next day to find Crane rumpled and red-eyed, still staring raptly at the computer.

"Have you been up all night?" Abbie asked.

"There is a cat on this You Tube named Maru. He lives in Japan," Crane said. "When I died, Japan was under the control of the Tokugawa shogunate and its borders closed to foreigners."

"I'm familiar with the Edo period, Crane. I've seen Kurosawa movies and Samurai Champloo. But are you telling me that you've been up all night watching cat videos?"

"There is a cat with a musical instrument resembling a piano," Crane said. "There is a dispirited cat who speaks French. There are kittens cavorting with dogs."

"Seriously, you did nothing else," Abbie said.

Crane raised a finger. "I 'clicked' on something that took me to another place on your internet. It's filled with innumerable portraits of cats with a print overlay. At first I believed it to be a dialect of English unfamiliar to me, but now I suspect it is in code."

Abbie looked at his screen. He was on I Can Has Cheezburger. "It's not in code, Crane. It's a lolcat."

"A lolcat," Crane repeated. "This means nothing to me."

"A meme," Abbie said. "An idea that spreads from person to person like a virus."

"Virus," Crane said. He was getting better at hiding it when he had no clue what you were saying, but Abbie always knew.

"Like a plague, then. I know the Black Death predates you," Abbie said.

"Yes, I am familiar with the plague, thank you," Crane said waspishly.

"Okay, you're getting off the internet right now and I'm buying you a breakfast burrito."

"We're breaking our fast on a small donkey?" Crane asked.

"Meat in bread is a timeless classic," Abbie said. "You'll thank me later."


End file.
